Thursday, November 18, 2004
Faithful or Faithfully Unfaithful? that is the question
Shakespeare would have been proud of my caption. This from someone who hated literature in school and got "Ungraded" for my GCE exam.
At school last night, the boyfriend girlfriend, wife husband argument came up in idle chatter. It was however closed with the usual cliche' "Is man dem name" which was punctuated by agreement from the females in the class. In Jamaica (I can only speak for here) it is a foregone conclusion that the male must have more than one woman to be satisfied. Indeed there are guys out there who have two or three or more women or families and are quite content not to be tied to any one woman. But are all men like that? I can say with definitive certainty that I am not!! Not to say that there have not been other women who have crossed my path that I have been attracted to, but I have chosen not to act on emotion or feeling or hormones or whatever drives this sexual desire of man (and woman too I might add). My best friend is a female. We have been very good friends for close to 13 years and we have had normal desires and we have worked through those to where we are now. We have never been bed partners but rather vital support to each other in critical times. It is a decision we both made and stuck to. Using myself as example I can therefore conclude that this view of all men having affairs and woman being so chaste is flawed and I am certain that I am not alone. I am certain that there are many men who have married or committed themselves to one person and are holding to that commitment.
In years long gone, after having the notion that men were the cause of marital and spousal problems, I met upon my first case of female infidelity. In the past six years I have found out that several of the women with whom I have either an acquaintance or deeper friendships with are/were having extra-spousal affairs. There is at least one case where a love child is involved (hubby hasn't figured it out yet). My years at work, school and even church have overturned the myth of female outlook on committed relationships. They are no better than the men. They do the same things.
You will realize that men and women have similar habits but I conclude that women just hide it better. Human sexuality is a strange topic. It would seem that there are those who are committed and those who are not with those who are committed dwindling in numbers. It leads therefore to the question "Are men and women essentially faithful to that significant other or are we faithfully unfaithful? Are those that remain loyal to their spouse an exception to that rule that man and woman are born to love each other and all others that they can lore into there beds?
Think about you and your relationships.
Food for thought.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
Rahtid...Scratchie turn relationship consultant! ;-))
Rude bwoy, I agree with your thoughts here 100% As one who is not in a committed relationship and still searching, maybe I should not comment and keep my utterances to myself before I am judged as being unqualified to speak.
But, what we should remember is that the men who are being unfaithful are not doing it solo. It does take two to tango. I have met women (single) who do not find me attractive, not on account of my physical characteristics or personality, but because they do not find single men attractive. They want a man who is married and are happy to be considered No. 2. (Little do they know they may well be No. 3 or dare I say 4 or 5!)
To say that all men are unfaithful is simply stereotyping...something which we are all guilty of to certain degrees. It is good that you (and other men that I know) can resist the temptations to stray with other women and remain faithful to their wife/committed partner. Nevertheless, as I'm no expert on male/female human relationships and the human being and his/her sexuality is a very complex topic I will end by saying, Respec due to you! I'm sure others will have more to add on this topic. Dr. D.
BTW, as Literature was the popular fail in our year at George's I too did not shock out. However, I did not get a dismal 'U' for Ungraded and managed to wangle up a 'D'. Still is not a passing grade! I could have recited Acts 1, 2 and 3 of Julius Caesaer (dat nuh look like it spell right) and is Act 4 dem come and bowl me wid to ra$$!!! Dr. D.
I'm not sure if you read my post titled "Unfaithful".
http://cooldestiny.blogspot.com/2004_09_01_cooldestiny_archive.html
Check the above link and there are actually 2 posts there about relationships. You have made salient points about the females being just as bad as men now a days. I have actually started to write another post entitled "A Virtuous Woman" which I hope to post by the end of this week.
I am proud to say that I am one of the faithful. I abhor the thought of cheating and will not participate in any acts of infidelity. I believe it will cheapen my value as a woman. I am a woman of Class and calibre and refuse to be a "victim of society" in that regard!!
Bwoy Doc if we were back at school now there are things I would have certainly done differently.
Hi Cool Destiny, Nice to have you dropping in again. I went to your site the other day but had some issues with my computer here and haven't had the chance to go back. I wil certainly check back by Friday. (I like to visit new sites when I can sit and read for a while without being interupted so don't think I am not interested please. Far from it in fact).
Very interesting conversation Scratchie. I too have heard the "is man him name" argument from my very own mother! I completely agree with you about men and women being faithfully unfaithful. It's just that we men tend to be a bit more clumsy with respect to cheating, whereas women tend to be more succinct. Probably the reason for our carelessness is that we sub-conciously know that society expects infidelity of us, whereas women are looked at in a negative light for doing the same. How does that old saying go? A woman can't do the things a man does and still be a lady.
{arf,arf}
Cool Destiny, I just read your post. Seems I'm not alone in my wonderings. What started my questions was that a lecturer in class made a statement about "her husband waiting on her" and one of the girls asked her if he was good looking. She responded, but asked how comes she the student was interested in that because he was married. The response was that there was no longer a one man runnings thing it was all sharing tings now. She said that she wasn't interested in no one man ting. She wants one to supply each of her needs, one for rent one for food one for sex...... Quite an interesting perspective for a young girl. She couldn't be more than 25 or so.
That is exactly what I will be posting about on Friday. I have a few acquaintances (I don't dare to call them friends for fear I will be labeled) that have the very same view of that young woman. One said to me the other day that she defending her house in 2005 and whatever she have to do to whoever to achieve that she's going to do it. She has a "baby father", dead end relationship really so she trying to make something for herself. I told her I don't approve of her tactics. I find it to be absolutely sad.
I will continue to remain faithful for as long as it is possible. If it appears that the relationship will not work, before I cheat, I will walk away. That's my stance.
Well, as I don't know Cool Destiny, I can only take what she has written here at face value and accept it to be true. Nevertheless, despite what I may have said above about men not cheating alone, I do think I know a fair amount of women who would not cheat even if they found their partner to be guilty of same. Women like you are to be respected and I hope to find one of a similar cloth one day not too far from now. I just hope I will be able live up to my side of the deal in the same manner. Dr. D.
Mek me throw some wood pan di fyah! A wha oonoo a talk bout? Oonoo mad! Seh man fi have nuff gyal and gyal inna bungle, gyal from Rema, gyal from jungle, nuff gyal and none of dem mustn't grumble, and all Yardie yute fi follow Beenie example!
Ok, ok, maybe not 'nuff' gyal, just some! ;-)
Hey Scratchie, what do you think? Both men and women will take on a 'second', but do they do it for the same reason? And even if the women will take on a second, when most of them have gone thru that, will they take on another, and yet another, like the men do, or is it a one time failing that the vast majority of them regret?
Thus spake the Mad Bull!
I agree with you all and especially Mad Bull. I think the reasons for being unfaithful differ between men and women (in general of course). I think that most women who stray from the relationship start out doing this because of a perceived idea that their partner is cheating (whether that idea is true or not.) They may find that they enjoy the "thrill" of the "illicit" relationship and continue.
However, I have to ask the question, are those who cheat, whether they be male or female have self confidence/opinion issues? To my way of thinking, if you are an honest, self confident man or woman, secure in your body and your view of yourself in relation to others in your "world", you would not feel the need to degrade yourself by cheating.
I think this may be one of the underlying factors for both men and women.
Ciya
Post a Comment